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A Star Wars Parody Shows How Dark It Could’ve Got if Stormtroopers Could Aim

A Star Wars comedy sketch highlights just how dangerous the Stormtroopers could have been in the saga if they could only shoot straight.

Star Wars has some of the most famously useless minions in modern fiction. The Stormtroopers who serve the Empire have been mocked for decades for their terrible aim and inability to land a shot. In fact, the entire Star Wars universe would have been radically different if they’d actually had the ability to land a good shot or two. One darkly funny Star Wars sketch highlights how deadly the Stormtroopers could have been, proving the Empire’s failure to elevate its soldiers is what kept it from achieving a quick and effective victory over the Rebels.

In the Corridor sketch, “Stormtroopers but THEY’RE ACCURATE,” the deviating point from canon comes when Darth Vader decides to take an interest in the Stormtroopers under his command. Learning that the soldiers lack good medical coverage — including for their vision — Vader manages to convince the Emperor to invest in their soldiers instead of more ships. This results in the Stormtroopers having far better accuracy and more confidence than they infamously had in the original trilogy — leading to a far grislier result. In this world, the attempt to rescue Princess Leia from the Death Star starts off largely the same, at least until Luke and Leia end up separated from the rest of the group. Actually capable of aiming properly, the Stormtroopers shoot Luke down before he can leap a large gap with Leia.

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Leia doesn’t last long on her own and is quickly surrounded by Stormtroopers, ultimately getting fatally shot while trying to escape. Even the Jedi aren’t safe from the enhanced Stormtroopers. Just as Darth Vader and Obi-Wan begin their fateful final confrontation, the Stormtroopers arrive to provide actual reinforcements. Emboldened by their successes, the Stormtroopers quickly open fire on Obi-Wan — reducing him to a pile of blood and meat in seconds. With all of their friends down, Han, Chewbacca, and C-3PO simply return to the Millennium Falcon and escape the Death Star, abandoning their mission. While they go into hiding, the Empire continues to decimate any remaining resistance.

While Luke proves surprisingly durable and survives his first apparent death, the rest of the galaxy isn’t so lucky. Yoda is assassinated on Dagobah, Lando is shot down by Tie Fighters while trying to assist Luke, and even Han and Chewbacca are eventually hunted down and killed. With the rebellion decimated, Luke and R2-D2 lead the last X-Wing pilots of the Rebel Alliance in a desperate bid to try and blow up the Death Star. But lacking the faith in the Force that defined him in the original story, Luke refuses to turn off his targeting computer — resulting in him taking too long to line up the shot. This, in turn, allows him to be shot down and killed to ensure a victory for the Empire.

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While the video is largely played for laughs — particularly Darth Vader, who proves surprisingly charismatic and committed to being a good boss — the short highlights just how dangerous the context of the original trilogy was for the galaxy. A single Stormtrooper firing accurately could have upended the foundations of the Rebellion that would go on to bring down the Empire. Thanks to its Stormtroopers being useful in combat instead of just being expendable grunts, this version of the Empire manages to stamp out the Rebellion before it can truly begin — even ensuring the eradication of the Jedi once and for all with the deaths of Luke, Obi-Wan, and Yoda.

For the heroes of Star Wars, this outcome is one of the grimmest possible conclusions to the conflict, leaving almost all the iconic leaders of the Rebellion dead before the nominal end of the saga’s first movie. It’s also a good reminder of how much of a mistake the Empire made by treating the Stormtroopers as purely expendable. Some theories argue the Empire purposefully gave its soldiers shoddy armor and weapons to demoralize them — but in the process, it made them a far less effective unit. The Empire could have had a stellar army at its side, but the Emperor was more focused on building Star Destroyers than on trusting the people who’d be manning them.

Brandon Zachary is an Associate Writer with Comic Book Resources and has written for CBR since 2018. He covers breakouts on comics, film, television, video games, and anime. He also conducts industry interviews, is a Rotten Tomatoes certified film critic, and knows SO MUCH about the X-Men. For requests, comments, or to hear his pitch for a third Avatar series that incorporates robots, you can contact him through bs.zachary@gmail.com.

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